How do I forgive my friend for killing himself?

Hi, I don't know if I am writing to the correct person, or if I will get an answer or not. I don't know who to post a blog or anything. But I have a question that involves my faith and forgiveness. My husband and I have a close friend that commited suicide on Monday morning. How do I forgive my friend for killing himself? I feel angry, hurt, confused and very sad. I was hoping for some insight from the Catholic Churches point of view. I hope you can help. Thank you. And if I sending this to the wrong person please forgive me.

Nadina S.

4 comments: Editor said...

Dear Mrs. Svoboda:

We will indeed respond to your question. Hopefully this will also serve as a response to your sadness and discomfort.

We hope that you will find it in your heart to forgive your friend. At this time, this soul is in need of blessings, prayers and understanding. The Church, the Bride of Christ is also sad at this time because of the loss of a loving person.. The church does not condemn people who commit suicide. It encourages us to think that this is such a drastic and final act that the person has somehow lost mental and emotional control. This loss, as you know, can weaken, if not remove, the level of responsibility that a person must have to commit a mortal sin.

You perhaps feel angry because the person did not approach you for comfort and solace. You loved your friend and you would have given the support needed. It is impossible for you to judge the state of mind and heart of your friend. It is also impossible for the Church to do so. In cases of suicide, we have to take some moments to look inside of ourselves and examine our own status before God. It takes strength to forgive a dear friend for such an act, but we have to let our love for God take over and cover our friend with our prayers and our forgiveness, just as God does.

It is also important to beg God for the strength and peace of mind that it takes to console and comfort the other people who had an intimate and loving relationship with your friend. Somehow, your love of the Church and your deep desire to know what the Church expects during these times shows that God is somehow calling you to be an angel to those who are affected by this event. It is true that being a missionary is not easy, but someone has to do it. We pray and call down God's blessings for you and those affected by this suicide. is honored that you wrote to us in this, your very acute time of need.

Paul Dion, STL
Theology Editor

Editor @ said...

Thank you so much for your thoughtful response. I will share it with my husband. Your words are comforting to me, thank you. It is wonderful that you offer this advise/support to those who need it. Each day seems a tiny bit easier. Thank you again.

Nadina S.

Fr. Roberto Mena, S.T. said...

I will pray for your friend. Rely in the mercy of the Lord.

Fr. Roberto Mena, S.T.

Anonymous said...

Dear Nadina, Just like you, my children, myself and the family and friends of our late loved one, were devasted by his sudden death, just a month ago.
My children and I have questions that may never be answered; wounds that may never heal completely, and memories that may never be altered, because of what happened.
But, like Mr. Dion said, and i find it true nowadays while we are slowly healing with the Lord, We can never judge our Loved ones for commiting such mortal sin. Only He knew their minds and hearts at that very moment.
We, as the ones that care for them, must learn to first, forgive them in our hearts for whatever damage their drastic decision has done to us, because only then, can we pray sincerely for the Lord's forgiveness of their sin. I have been telling my kids not to harbor any more grudges, no more questions, and remember their happy days with their Father, and we continue to pray that the Angels hold his hands to guide him to our Lord's kingdom, and that it is our outmost desire to see our Loved ones with the Lord, when our time comes. Let us keep praying.